I wish I didn't have to come up with a title

Did anyone play Legend of Zelda back in the day? It was my favorite. IGN has a trailer on their site for a Legend of Zelda movie scheduled to be in theaters on April 1, 2009. Rumor has it that the trailer is an April Fool's joke but there are skeptics. Though it probably is not real, maybe it will inspire someone to go out and make a film.

Cindy McCain

I know this a low blow, especially for a pro-feminism woman such as myself, and I could certainly take way better shots at McCain but this was so funny I had to share!!!!

(If for no other reason that Garrett loves that I post unoriginal stuff to the blog instead of writing lengthy and witty discourse myself!)


"The Top 8 Women Unsexier Than Sarah Jessica Parker

8. Cindy McCain. Take a look at this possible first lady’s face...

Some might find her pretty. I, on the other hand, am hiding my firstborn in a locked safe until the election is over. Because, and you heard it here first, Cindy McCain (might) eat babies, specifically, your baby."

This is all courtesy of "best week ever". PS Let's hope Obama beats all their asses out of the water!!!!!

Feeling like a brazilian?

I doubt that I will go see the new movie "Teeth" (in theatres now) though I find it's premise hilarious....

a girl with a killer hoo-ha equipt with teeth and all! It reminds me a book from my mother's "room of both vaguely and outright disturbing books" where some sort of alien female mates with a human male and although his "manhood" never actually comes back out...something much nastier actually does!!!!

(Ladies...remember the word for it? We said it all the time...Remember?)

Well, so I came across this movie "tribute" article on imdb and thought it was completely appropriate (at least for those movies in the list I have seen).

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2008/01/ten_movie_vaginas.html

Enjoy! (And perhaps have a cigarette afterwards)

Can't Wait for Wine Fest!!!!!

February is over and even though today appears to be a little warmer and dryer than recent days- it is still winter. : (

I don't know about you but I need something to look forward to....

My boss just approved my vacation time for the beach today (yeah!!!!!) and if it ever stops snowing maybe the kids will be done with school in time to actually go to the beach!!!! I love the beach...LOVE IT...but for some reason my mind keeps drifting towards the wine festival, which actually comes about a month later.

http://www.flwinefest.com/index.html

Maybe it's because I skipped it last year, or maybe it's just because my girlfriends make it so special, but I can't wait to eat, drink and be merry (and maybe not in that order)!!!!

Until then, please join me in the countdown until Spring!

Spicing up the English Language

Finally the world comes around to my way of thinking!!

Ok, I have been known to swear like a sailor on an occasion or two...innappropriately, once or twice, in front of some completely innocent children. But now....VINDICATION!!

A new drink for Sweet Adeline!!!

After our horrible (but nonetheless memorable) run in with a similar foul-tasting beverage...I present ....

our next big liquid adventure!!! (see link)

If we can get our hands on some...

What do you think of the name? It sounds so...

porno. Yech!

Alas, the reviews were not very kind.

This is Why

Quote:

"Clinton is an essay, solid and reasoned; Obama is a poem, lyric and filled with possibility."

THE LOS ANGELES TIMES
in an op-ed Friday endorsing Democrat Barack Obama for President

This is what I want and why I am hopeful. Obama has that "it" quality that Bill Clinton had in 1992.

Hope tomorrow isn't "Conga"

I've been feeling the need to post something but with the holidays, there's limited time, so here's just a short one. Do you ever wake up in the morning with a song in your head? No reason; not like you just heard that song or anything; it's just there. It's like when your mind was processing all the shit in the recesses of your mind through the night the song just came out of some black hole back there, swished around, and got stuck in the front of your brain. Well, I had one of those experiences today. Woke up with "Turn the Beat Around" playing repetitiously in my mind. And not even the old Vicki Sue Robinson version (which is just a bit more tolerable). No no. It was the more horrific Gloria Estefan rendition. Could not get it out for HOURS. I tried watching tv. I tried listening to something that doesn't suck (some say Gloria sucks matza salty balls). Nothing helped. Then for no reason it was gone as quickly as it started. I guess I just found a more stressful distraction. Now that I've written about it of course it is back. Guess it's time for bed.

Wondering What to get the kiddies for Xmas????

I just checked out this list of the "Greatest Toys of all Time" on Retrocush. It made me realize not only that I was a spoiled brat because I actually owned MORE THAN HALF of the toys on the list, but also how lucky I was not to be permanently maimed by many of said toys.

Unfortunately, I don't happen to own any of these toys any more- if I did, maybe I would be a millionaire (or I could be arrested because some of them have since been banned.

Seriously, you should read the blurbs about each toy. They are very, very naughty, and some even sound like they could have been written by Garrett. Hilarious! Enough, said?

Please to enjoy.... and let me know if you've owned any of the good ones on the list. If you still have 'em, I'll be right over! : )

interested in new music?

It's disgusting! I heard several reviews of Britney Spear's new album this morning on the radio while on my way to work and they are saying that it's actually VERY GOOD! Now, you all may know that although I am in NO WAY a fan of Miss White Trash-no panties- absent parent- crack whore-Spears I still manage to know a lot about her weekly activities because I follow celebrity trivia (no I have no idea why) on E and on celebrity gossip blogs and for some reason this bitch still makes news.

I think that if she can make even a half-decent pop/rock/dance album it just speaks to the fact that girlfriend can afford the best music producers that the biz can buy and further proves that she's still a talentless hack! And now that her looks are gone what does she have to offer the american public except a cautionary tale for show biz parents?

Does this mean that we will be subjected to more of her pointless breathy crap music ("Gimme more"? I think not!) ? Argh!!!!! Now all I need is for Paris to release another album and I'll be ready to give up the radio altogether! I think perhaps there should be some kind of an entrance exam for recording artists- neither of them could pass it. : )

Can't sleep- Argh!!!!

It's been quite a while since I have danced with my old dear friend, Insomnia. No, not the book (which I didn't care much for) by Stephen King and no, not that movie with Robin Williams, Hillary Swank, and Al Pacino (which, with such a talented cast was quite a disappointment) . I just mean I plain old CAN"T F(%^KING SLEEP.

I know it's stress and I also know that it's due to a stressful situation which I am powerless to correct at this time so I guess I just have to ride the wave. My immune system is on the fritz and I feel like something big (and possibly ominous) is coming down the pike. Also, I am currently vacillating between mania and depression (bipolar much?) and have been starting to dwell on irrational thoughts such as the end of days (coming soon- 2012!) and the effects of global warming leading to anarchy and a war over water. I keep wondering if I should prepare for the coming apocalypse or just keep drinking so as not to mind it when it gets here. I haven't decided yet.

Just so you know...my old friend, Crazy, usually soon follows his pal, Insomnia, (or is he here already?)...so you might want to keep an eye on me or at least hide the sharp objects for awhile. I am greatly exaggerating on that last bit but seriously you never know the powerful effect of a lack of sleep until you've experienced it.

I'm only going on three nights and look at me already- weeee!

As a final note...I've been noticing references to a trend in art, design, and pop culture called "sinister cute" and aside from its anime origins I like it. It looks familiar (like those girls who where black nailpolish and then draw like nuns-right Gwenn?) It reminds me also of the "Gashlycrumb Tinies" and Nightmare before Christmas and Little Apple Dolls and all of those other "sick" things I am drawn to for some twisted reason. I would hyperlink to those references if I knew how to do that but I don't so ...happy googling if you are interested!

Well, it's 4:20 AM so I'm off to the kitchen to wash some dishes and make some tea. (Groan)

L.A. part I: from seatless toilets to dwarf bars

We three have all been neglectful as of late and I for one am tired of getting shit for it, so here I am. I spent a fun filled 5 days in L.A. in August and my excuse for procrastinating has been that I'm waiting for a cohort to get some pictures to me so I can post them. Still waiting but I thought I'd try to write a bit anyhow.

The trip was a big step for me in that I had to fly both ways by myself. And had 2 layovers on the way back. I'd never been further west than Colorado and have never been on a flight longer than an hour by myself. I've always been afraid of flying but I have decided not to let fear make me change my behavior (except for that arachnophobia) or miss out on things. All in all I did pretty well. On the first flight I drank some Jack Daniels (straight) and that did the trick.

Probably the highlight of the trip for me (aside from things that happened inside the hotel room) was spending an evening in Hollywood. The men had wedding stuff to do so it was just Melissa and I. Not that I don't enjoy spending time with the men, but it was nice to hang in the city with a fellow adventurous woman. We started by having some great food (and a lovely mojito) at a Caribbean restaurant called Cha Cha Cha. We drove around a bit (I have to comment that Melissa is a mean-ass city driver) to find some champagne and by then the mojito had worked it's way through me. We had to hunt a bit for a public bathroom and I eventually resorted to paying a quarter to use a seatless toilet in a laundromat (Shelley is very critical of people who won't sit on seats in public bathrooms but I think I had a good excuse for squatting this time. Have I mentioned that I hate men by the way? That's the one thing that makes me envious of them. They can pee anywhere). We took our champagne and hiked up to look at the Hollywood sign (hey there was nothing posted saying you couldn't drink there. There were no smoking signs and I did ignore those). We walked down the Walk of Fame and went to Grauman's Chinese Theatre where we posed as Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell and asked a fellow tourist to take our picture. Can't wait to get that one back. We ended at a bar called the Snow White Cafe. Melissa had been on a quest during the trip and she was happily surprised to find that those dwarfs can mix a mean margarita. My beer was good too but it always is I suppose whether poured by a dwarf or not. Of course I'm kidding; there were no live dwarfs just fairytale paintings on the walls (incidentally, not too long ago some friends of mine visited a bar called The Hobbit House in Manila where all the workers are actually little people. Sounds cool to me but I guess we couldn't get away with that in America).

Garrett recently asked me what I liked so much about Hollywood and it was hard for me to put it into words. Of course the weather was perfect. And I miss the city. But I also, like our Virgo Beemaiden, have always enjoyed old Hollywood. I love the stars; I love the movies. I didn't think very deeply about it at the time because I was in such a state of excitement, but later I got a little teary thinking about the fact that I had my hands in the same exact spot where Marilyn had hers 54 years ago (I know I'm a big dork). Melissa and I drove through the neighborhood known as Hollywoodland to get to the sign and I was just in awe. I'm sure I romanticize it in my mind but I felt like I should come back here, pick up the Virgo Beemaiden, and take her there to live with me. Maybe we can retire there :)

Let's Play a Game....

It is somewhat of a take on 'Who Would You Do', but not exactly. In the comments section, each person pick a movie locale or setting where you would like to have a few days to explore on your own. Basically pick a movie you’d like to hang around in for a week or two....kind of like a vacation.

Here are the rules. Pick ONE film and ONE specific setting. This can be any movie, and any time in history. We are assuming that you have money to spend in the movie setting/location. Of course, some movies have multiple settings, and some do not...but once a film has been taken, no other setting can be taken from that movie. Obviously, just like 'Who Would You Do’, try to give a reasonable justification for why you picked the movie and location you did. Once you pick a place, you must wait until at least one other person has gone before you can go again. I will go first….

Slave to the Man

I had a wonderful evening last night...thanks T & M! ...spent with friends over good food and drinks and relaxing, if not slightly sophomoric and x-rated conversation.

It was one of those rare moments spent without my children when the "adults" come out to play and let their hair down. Last night I was challenged (bring it on- G) to post to the blog and I was trying to think of something to say and nothing fabulous came to me. If you want me to rant and foam at the mouth about the government I'd need a few more drinks in me and I believe that my employer would frown on that (although perhaps a blog post would not be much more favorably viewed). Anyway, here goes....

Slave to the Man! vs. Slave to the Man?

I like to think of myself as progressive, free spirited, globally aware, and somewhat politically astute but other times I think I'm just a hypocrite in sheep's clothing. I often research ways to live on less, go green...simplify... but the very next day I am counting my cash and wistfully striving to afford the American dream...better house...cooler clothes...trendier car...more "things" etc...the list goes on. Wants become needs and suddenly I'm whining because of all that I don't have.

Or one day I will dream of early retirement or quitting my job and living self-sufficiently off grid on a quiet piece of land or on some exotic paradise in a grass hut selling seashells to tourists without the burden of materialistic possessions and the next day I'm jumping onto that treadmill and sweating getting my Master's degree so I can continue to play the "game" of getting ahead in this society.

Now I know that there are bigger problems out there and I am in no way ignoring the improtance of those issues or trying to make this particular dilema seem all-important compared to "real" problems but I find that it's a significant issue with me. I'm of two minds. It's my own internal inner struggle and I was wondering if anyone else feels it. It's a war between living responsibly and living selfishly. Keeping up with the Gores versus keeping up with the Jones. Run versus walk. Paring down versus building up. Classics versus pulp fiction. A dreamer enterpreneur versus a time-clock baby. Even lethargy and apathy versus mania. (That's a fun one!) If my pattern of behavior sometimes seems inconsistent to the outside observer, it may be because I have not found my "path" on this issue(s) and I'm still a slave to the multiple, countradicting messages that are put out there.

To sum it up using the world of the Smashing Pumpkins- "Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage."

Does this make any sense? I may just be overtired from staying up late last night or it could be that I spent all my energy clipping coupons, who knows? (Note: Quite possibly i's the PMS talking- I tend to get quite maudlin this time of the month. ) Does anyone else ever feel this way?

The most fun you'll have today playing an online game

Hey. Are you bored??? I tried this little game on Sunsilk.com with pretty interesting results! Try it for a minute -it's fun!

I originally found the site while searching for the Internet "freebies" that I so dearly love. I remember long before I got the Internet being addicted to using Shelley's computer to surf for free samples and coupons and I still enjoy doing that. So, if you're interested...check out the freebie link on the sunsil site and they will send out a free sample and a $2.00 coupon.

PS I hate those commercials regarding the war between brunettes and blondes so it that whole advertising concept offends you- don't play the game. But if you like a quick challenge....check it out.

Oh...and if you're not an obvious blonde- you're on team brunette. (My rule)

I hate coming up with titles

I just don't have much to say these days. I had a relatively uneventful week. Most everything funny that has happened to me occurred in the presence of most of the people who read this. Maybe I need to quit hanging out with you people so I have something to write about that you haven't also experienced. I did spend an evening in a coworker's basement drinking beer with the "siding guy" who came to do an estimate for hanging drywall in her basement. She and my other coworker had been raving for weeks about how hot he is and they convinced me to show up at estimate time to have a look. We three women sat staring at him, elbows on our knees, hands under our chins, acting as if we were hanging on every word of his captivating stories about construction work and hunting. This went on for a couple of hours before he finally did the estimate. I'm surprised he hung around. I think I may have been a little frightened if I were him...stuck in a basement with 3 tipsy salivating women, at least one of which hasn't seen any action for a couple of months (me). I felt like we were the Witches of Eastwick, towards the end of the movie, when they take over. Or remember that Seinfeld (the Butter Shave) where Kramer bakes himself in butter in the sun and Newman likes the smell of a cooked Kramer and begins to see a turkey when he looks at Kramer and goes after him with silverware (I find that everything in my life can be connected to either Seinfeld or Scrubs)? I think maybe we resembled that. It was pathetic, seriously, but I couldn't really think of anything better to do at the time.

And some of you may not know that now the youngsters of our group have started trying to get me laid in a futile attempt to keep me from moving. Shelley's cousin John showed up towards the end of our Memorial Day party. We grown ups were out at the fire and the children were inside watching a movie. John went in the house and was interrogated by the children,who gave him an oral test to make him prove he was a relative (he apparently had never met any of them). He then asked the kids where their parents were. The twelve year old said " they're up at the campfire. You should go up there because our single friend is up there. You should date her because we don't want her to move back to Maryland". Didn't work anyhow.

I have some upcoming events to look forward to. Maybe something exciting will happen that will inspire me. But most of you will be at most of these events anyhow. I'm in a wedding on July 7th. My friend in Maryland happens to be in a wedding that day also. So the following weekend I am going to go to her house and we are going to wear our pretty dresses, drink "tea", and play croquet like naughty princesses. I bought a big hat for the occasion and I think I am going to get some opera gloves as well. Should be a grand time.

Anyway, I have some links I can hook you up with until I come up with some other sort of inspiration.

I haven't read this yet but it looks cool. A serial horror story that gets updated every Halloween.

Who would have thought that in his second coming Christ would take the form of a Hammerhead Shark?

Here's a great story that I found to be quite inspirational. This woman has been playing "what would happen if..." since she was a child. In a recent round she discovers what happens if you buy 25 bottles of Nyquil. We really need to start playing this game. We should come up with a list on the way to the beach and see what we can discover.

Billy Graham tells us why being a good person just isn't good enough. I thought he was dead, anyhow? Nevermind, that's Jerry Falwell. I can't keep those televangelist bastards straight.

Remember that magazine, Cracked? You know, as a kid you thought it was a second-rate version of MAD Magazine? Well, I hadn't thought about it for years until I was surfing around the other day and came across a link. There's actually some funny stuff on the site. For instance, here's a list of useful Italian phrases. You should look around once you get there. I found several articles that had me in fits.

Proof that what we first believe to be true isn't always true

I recently uncovered the following article about one of my "favorite" (using the term very loosely) people who occasionally inspires me to early a healthy and less than 6 grams of fat Subway Sub instead of a million other worse-for-me foods.

Now I feel shocked and betrayed! (Not on the same scale as the whole Clinton- Lewensky betrayal but you get my general dismay...)

Read on...

"You’ve come to know and love him as Jared Fogle, the guy who lost over 200 pounds by eating nothing but Subway sandwiches alone. As a result, he went from being just plain ol’ “Jared” to the much more exciting “Jared Fogle, the Subway Guy.”
Well, it turns out in college, the All-American Jared was known for something entirely different. According to our source, while studying at Indiana University, Fogle ran a very successful pornography rental company out of his bedroom. His porn collection was vast and extensive, and Fogle rook his business pretty seriously. A video would run a patron a dollar a day (cheap!), and people would come from all over to take advantage of the deal. Needless to say, Jared had enough porn to keep his customers happy.
As far as his incredible weight loss goes, it turns out it wasn’t as motivated as you would think. In fact, what got Jared hooked on Subway in the first place was laziness. The sandwich chain had opened a branch on the first floor of Jared’s dorm, and what with his busy porn company, Jared began eating the sandwiches out of extreme laziness. It was the closest fast food available! Just imagine how different our lives would be if an Arby’s had opened up there instead? We’d probably be watching Jared on some TLC special about how he hasn’t gotten out of bed for 6 years. Though, we imagine his right arm would still be in tip-top shape."

Yikes! So sheer laziness and porn can help a person to lose 200 pounds??? I only need to lose about 20- how much lazy-porn combo will that take? Bring it on!!!

18 Hour Blonde Moment

This weekend I went out of town to visit some friends. I spent Friday night in Virginia with one friend and then traveled with him to see some other friends in Maryland on Saturday and Sunday. When going to MD, I mistakenly left my phone charger in my own car in VA. My battery was getting low by the time I got back to VA around 1 or 2 am Monday morning. I didn't realize there was a problem until I was ready for bed and I heard my phone making the "battery is almost dead" noise. I should explain that this phone is rather new to me (it's shelley's old one because I dropped mine in the toilet--another blonde moment). Since acquiring this phone, I have been unable to turn it off. I hold in the little button with red on it (apparently this is called the "end button") and nothing happens. It didn't really concern me until now. I just thought "oh well maybe it's an old phone; maybe there's something wrong with it". I mentioned this to my friend at 2 am Monday morning, then went to sleep. Around 11 am (still in bed) I heard my phone ring and as I picked it up to answer the call it went dead. I tried to charge it and by the looks of the little bar on the edge of the screen going up and down (the scrolling "battery power indicator"), it appeared to be working. After an hour or so I tried to turn it on (using that little button with the red on it) but nothing happened. I waited a little longer and tried again. Still nothing. I didn't really want to make the trip without my phone working so I hung around a while longer. My friend had gone to work by this time so I was there alone. The house phone didn't have long distance so I couldn't even check my messages. The only numbers I could have called that would not have been long distance were my dad and the cell phone of the friend I was staying with. Of course, I don't have these numbers memorized so without access to my cell phone contacts I was SOL. My phone company doesn't exist in Virginia. I didn't know the password to get online. I was totally incommunicado. I had also messed up the multimedia computer tivo thingy so that I could not even watch tv. I tried to call my MD friends collect but the operator said they don't accept collect calls. She asked if I wanted to charge it to the phone I was calling from so I did. I called my friend and asked her to look up an 800 number for my phone company. The tech support genius (pot...kettle) told me I should buy a new battery. I gave up on getting it working about then (2 hours after I had been ready to leave) and headed for home. I stopped at my office so I could call and check my messages (since I don't have a home phone). I then called the local Immix store and told the nice man my problem. He told me that if I stopped by he would look at it, which I promptly did. (Side note: After several months of observation and comparing stories with friends I've come to the conclusion that Immix apparently only hires hot 20ish men). I handed him my phone, he took the battery out, and stuck in a new one. I then noticed that when he tried to turn the phone on he used a different button (the "power key"), located on the top edge of the phone. I thought "oh fuck my battery's not dead, I just don't know how to turn on the damn phone". While he tested the new battery, I struggled to hold back sighs, groans, and other vocalizations of dismay as thoughts ran through my head of the 3 hours of wasted time I will never get back (or, as I was measuring it, the 8 or 9 Scrubs episodes I could have been watching while snuggled on my couch). Of course, I couldn't let on that I'm a complete moron. So I just let him give me a new (free) battery and was on my way. I called my friend in VA and told him the story. He said he had been thinking about asking to see my phone when I made the statement about not being able to turn it off but he didn't want to make me feel stupid. :)

I loved this book!

The Time Travelers Wife...and Virgo Beemaiden just shared with me that it is currently being made into a movie. Normally, I am not a fan of love stories, but this love story was on a completely different level. Fantastic!

I am really bad with knowing who stars are, so I found this link. I can't imagine how the movie is going to be as nearly as good as the book, but hopefully it will.

Green light!

Remember John Meyer...he's that funny looking (think Edward Scissorhands, but not as cute as Johnny) singer who had hits ith "Your body is a wonderland" and the not quite optimistic but hopeful "Waiting on the World to Change." Celebrity trivia side note: He's dating Jessica Simpson-go figure!

Well he has a passion for blogging much like a few others we know and his latest entry sparked my interest. (It's a follow-up to my Earth Day post but wait...as he himself says...hear him out, this won't be painful at all!)

(NOT) WAITING ON THE WORLD TO CHANGE - ENTRY NO. 1
(Preface: Don't get turned off from reading this by any pre-conceived notions you have about the subject matter. I'll make you a deal. When something I write turns you off, then you can click the "x" button and go about your day.)
A year ago this month I wrote a song called "Waiting on the World to Change", in which I tried to express the feelings of helplessness that come with knowing what needs to change in the world but also knowing the futility of trying.
Since that song has been released, there has been one social issue I've kept particularly focused on, silently keeping notes in my mind about what needs to be fixed (and more constructively, how to go about fixing it) while hoping that someone else sharing my exact views would carry out the work without my ever getting involved.
Hey, I'm just being honest.
I'm talking about (see preface!) global warming. Wait! Don't move the mouse. Finger down. Please. Just give me a second. You can watch that video of a cat playing the piano in a few minutes. I just may surprise you with what I'm going to say.
In the "degree of difficulty" column, reversing the effects of global warming is a .5 out of a possible 10, at least in theory. You just get back by reversing the way you came. No accounting for a volatile political world stage, or clashing of belief structures. Just throw this bitch in reverse and we're home.
The trouble is, nobody has managed to come close to bringing this issue to you in a way that doesn't turn you off. At best, it's a bore, and at worst (toilet paper square accounting?) it's insulting to human autonomy.
It seems to me that when it comes to this issue, we've been given only two sides to pick from: side one says the future of global warming does not present a doomsday scenario, almost chuckling the matter aside. Side two says it is a dire issue (which it is), and then goes on to inundate side one with so many separate nakedly-scientific points that they make naivete' seem cozy by comparison.
So here I am, introducing a third side. A laid-back, panic free approach to environmentalism. One that believes the message of "An Inconvenient Truth" is sound, but that it's an incredibly un-fun name for a movie. A side free from the cry of hypocrisy, for it doesn't make sweeping promises. A side that drives an SUV on the way to the grocery store but then produces nylon mesh bags at the checkout line. A side that believes in bringing a change of perspective to our government but letting Carl Rove finish his meal first.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Fans and Friends, I submit to you a third way: Light Green.
No thinking about "offsetting your carbon footprint". No rallies. No brow-beating people who think the Earth just has a fever. Pick one thing to change this year, and keep the rest of your life the same. After all, the only message the charts with escalating red lines are meant to send is that the red lines have to stop escalating, not that hey have to drop to the bottom of the graph by next Tuesday.
Part of the Light Green approach will be the (attempted) introduction of products that are cheap, easy alternatives to cut down on plastics. In the next 90 days I'm going to see how many of these products I can get produced. If it works, great. If not, you'll at least have blogs to read. I'm going to make this one of the focus points of my blog for the next few months., and hopefully by summer there will be a few items at the merchandise stands that you might not have a problem switching to.
And to anybody ready to cut me down for this, here's my full disclosure: I drive a Porsche SUV, I still drink lots of bottled water, and I will be flying private charter several times during my summer tour. However, my bus has been converted to Bio-Diesel, and I'll be coming up with even more ways to adapt to the Light Green mentality before I set out for the summer.
Now go watch that guy getting nailed in the balls on YouTube, but think about it. It's all you've got to do in order to go Light Green.
JM

If that sounds cool or even uncool but doable to you - please bookmark his blog and stick around for updates and suggestions for going "Light Green".

That wasn't so bad was it? Now f I could just figure out what he sees in that Jessica Simpson girl? (See photo above)

Oh yeah, now I remember!

Self-incrimination

Some people deserve to be caught. Like this idiotic high school girl who approached a school bus driver and asked if he had found her pot pipe. You could chalk this up to the fact that teenagers tend to be morons, but I don't think most would be that stupid (I know I wouldn't have). Well, unless it was packed. Maybe then I could understand. ;)

For some reason this story reminded me of how important it is to pay close attention to what words the speaker emphasizes before you answer a question. Example: "Do you smoke hash?" as opposed to "Do you smoke hash?"

How far we have come (or not)

http://www.slate.com/id/2164062/nav/tap1/

If you follow the above link you will be treated to (horrified by) a slide show visual history of rascist advertising over the years. Some are so outrageous that it is hard to imagine the years when such ads were actually used by companies but others...exist today or existed during our lifetimes. (Except for some of you who make be young enough not to remember the 70/80's - for you guys piss off!)

Recognize "Uncle Ben" or "Aunt Jemima" anyone? They have each been family members of mine since my childhood so I didn't happen to notice their not-so-subtle image transformations over the past few decades. Funnt how things like this can go unnoticed.

Also, I grew up with a "Golliwog" doll that I cherished and lovingly referred to as "Garth" and when I recognized him here in this context I almost died. Thank goodness he was not one of the childhood relics that I passed down to my children...I don't know whatever happened to him. Maybe he took off one day with my talking Jimmy Walker pull string doll that said
"Dy-no-mite" ?? (Look it up, young-ens)

Interesting stuff.

So Excited!

The countdown is on, the smell of summer is in the air, and the pics are on the web! It is almost beach time and I can't wait. I look forward to this week ALL YEAR! The house we are renting is brand-spanking-new as in just completed this week and the new pictures are here. SWEET!

MOTHER EARTH

I know, I know...no wants wants a lecture but I have to share my joy at celebrating this year's earth day yesterday- Sunday, April 22.

You may have noticed (unless you live in a cave) that the day was beautiful, sunny and warm and as close to perfect as it gets around here in central PA. I spent most of the day with my youngest daughter outside in our yard/street picking up garbage, pulling weeds, planting seeds, and replanting flowers in pots for the porch.

It was also our plan to purchase some environmentally friendly products so, when we needed a break from all the "dirty work" we walked to the local grocery store and purchased somewhat expensive but environmentally-friendly household cleaning products and organic fruits and snack foods. (As always, we recycled). We also intended to buy some compact flourescent light bulbs but alas -the store did not carry them- and pileing into our car for the purpose of purchasing one small item would have blasphemed the whole purpose of Earth Day!!!!

We felt giddy...possibly from all the sun, but maybe from our good feelings that came from performing small actions (hopefully that will lead to bigger ones- we would like to begin composting, be more conscientious consumers, and eventually drive a hybrid car...) and maybe from the "warm-fuzzy" feelings of spending the day with someone we love!

I hope that you too enjoyed the beautiful weather this past weekend!!! Remember that each small action that you do to help preserve our beautiful planet contributes to more beautiful days like these! : )

To steal an idea from this weekend's SNL...." It's Earth Day so...in your face, Neptune!!!"

Gender Confusion

The Gender Genie thinks it can tell whether text you enter was written by a male or a female.

I tried one of Garrett’s posts (I used "So I broke out the Feisty Fawn yesterday..." because the Gender Genie supposedly works better if you enter at least 500 words of text. It thinks Garrett is female. I tried three of mine and it thought I was male twice. It was always right with Virgo Beemaiden and Shelley but I don’t think any of theirs were 500 words or more so those results are probably not valid.

Personality Type

I found a 4 factor personality test that I liked. I believe one of us may have posted something similar on another blog but I like to try out different ones to see if the result is the same. I think it's interesting that when I was younger my result on 4 factor tests was consistently INFP and for the past several years my result has been INTP. Apparently I've become more of a thinker than a feeler. Specifically my results on this test were: 76% introverted, 58% intuition, 47% thinking, and 82% perceiving. So I'm near the middle on the thinking-feeling continuum and the sensation-intuition continuum. I'm very high on perceiving. The description of perceivers stated, "Perceivers, on the other hand, rely on creativity, spontaneity, and responsiveness, rather than a plan or list, to get them through the day. They burn the midnight oil to meet deadlines, although they usually meet them. Perceivers like to turn work into play, because if a task is not fun, they reason, it is probably not worth doing."

That is so me.

bunchalinks

Interesting first post on a new blog: Atheist's Wager. Got a lot of good discussion going.

Best places to get free books. Includes downloadable books as well as sites where you can trade books or read books online.

A longtime favorite of mine. Online jigsaw puzzles. There are a ton of different puzzles and you determine the level of difficulty. Good distraction for all ages.

Reasonably priced glasses delivered right to your door. Lots of different styles.

It's that time of year again. The hills are alive with the smell of semen. I'm referring to the flowering of Bradford Pear trees.

Proof that you're not killing any kittens. Now if you can just get all of that hair to stop growing on your hands you'll be set.

Smite your loved ones with the plague of your choice. (I love smiting!).

Find out your official air guitar stage name. I'm Sweet "Air Traffic Control" Adeline.

Well, I've successfully distracted myself from work for an hour or so. Guess I better get back to it. :(

Engrish Locks

I had to go on a work-related roadtrip today. The trip there was quick and uneventful. I would even call it pleasant. Not too much traffic. Good music. I even arrived in time to scope out a Starbucks before heading to my meeting (as many people know, being early - or even on time - is monumental for me). The return trip didn't go as well. First of all, I took a wrong turn before even getting a mile from the meeting place because I was on a work-related call (the post-meeting glass of Lambrusco had nothing to do with it). I realized before the turn was even complete that it was wrong (I hear Dr. Cox chiming "wrong-wrong wrong-wrong, wrong-wrong wrong-wrong"), but TOO LATE (now I hear Nicholas Cage in the Vampire's Kiss crazily chanting "too late, too late); there was no possible way to undo it. I was then stuck on the PA Turnpike for a half hour (what road only has exits every 30 miles for God's sake?!). There's no way off of the damn thing unless you want to drive through some cow pastures (which I did consider) and then who knows where the hell you would end up anyway. Could be reminiscent of Deliverance. I then discovered that my stupid driver's side window was broken. So I'm stopping at stupid toll booths paying stupid money to drive on a stupid road that I didn't even want to be on and having to open up my stupid door to get the stupid tickets and pay the stupid toll booth operators (okay, maybe money's not stupid). Not to mention how inconveniencing it is for a smoker to be unable to put the window down. I had to create an ashtray out of a SoBe bottle and put it in my console (as my ghetto-ass cup holders are not big enough to hold SoBe bottles). Because of the placement of my console, each time I flicked my ashes (which was many many times during the course of my 4-hour-but-should-have-been-2-hour trip home) I had to extend my arm in an unnatural and almost painful manner (thanks for the good back-cracking Toddy). Then I spilled my iced tea all over my favorite possessions (my cd's) and had to listen to the goddamn radio. Oh, and I almost forgot one of my favorite parts. This is a testament to how well my coping skills work. I stopped at a "service plaza" along the turnpike to look for a map because although I knew where I was and I was not lost persay I thought maybe I could find a faster way to get to my destination without having to turn around and go back the way I came. I went inside and was told that sometimes the Burger King sells maps. I approached the counter and two 2o-ish women asked if they could help me. I asked if they had any maps. One of them said "what kind of maps?" I answered, "well any kind of maps." The other of the two asked, "A turnpike map or a Pennsylvania map?" I said "either would be fine". They both then stated that they had no maps at all. I fought back the urge to ask, "then why did you engage me in this conversation? A simple no would have sufficed. No. No maps. We have NO MAPS". They could have even said "we don't have any fucking maps" and that would have been better. But I remained calm, continued on my map quest, and eventually found my way home. But I have decided it was all worth it as I learned of an amusing website on the trip (that and I found another Starbucks along the turnpike - I can sniff those suckers out anywhere. I'm actually still enjoying my grande decaf extra-hot no-whip mocha as I type).

Anyhoo, you should check out engrish.com. As I understand it, Asian languages are the most difficult languages to translate to English. According to the FAQ, Engrish is a collection of humorous English mistakes that appear in Japanese advertising and product design.

Good thing I wasn't on my way to the bathroom when I took that wrong turn:



And in case you were wondering, the President sticks to black curry made with bouillions of pain. And he likes it. Wonder where I can get some of those bouillions. There are a few people I'd like to cook for.

You can buy Engrish merchandise too.

I don't know why I find it so funny. Ever since Long Duk Dong in Sixteen Candles I've found the way Asian people talk funny. This is probably getting me one more step closer to hell. Speaking of hell, if you're wondering what circle you're going to, you can find out here. I'm a lustful heretic apparently and (not for nothing...using the art of math) I will be spending eternity in the second level of hell.

They read my mind!!!

Are you ever driving down the street, completely lost, and find yourself thinking, “I wish there was a semi-psychotic character actor here who could tell me the right way to reach my destination!” Well today is your lucky day, because thanks to the wonderful makers of the TomTom Navtones GPS navigation system, Gary Busey will provide you with straightforward turn-by-turn directions to anywhere you could possibly want to drive. This is a product after our own hearts, because who WOULDN’T want to enjoy the spine-chilling rantings of a total lunatic on their way to the movie theater? Do not do yourself the disservice of failing to listen to the laugh-out-loud outtakes, on which Gary free-associates his terrifying thoughts on subjects ranging from road kill to nude butter churning. Buckle up, kiddies!

This damn blog....

Testing to see if we can continue posting....

If only life were so easy...

The new book and DVD, "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne is the latest self-help craze. The "secret" that Byrne is referring to is the law of attraction, which states that we create our own reality through our thoughts. When I read that, my first reaction was "isn't this what cognitive psychologists have been telling us for years?" But as I read on, I saw that she doesn't mean that we figuratively create our own reality, she means it literally. On the DVD a woman admires a necklace in a store window and it is then around her neck. A child thinks about having a new bike and it shows up on his doorstep. According to the MSNBC article, "contrariwise, a worrywart who obsessively checks the locks on his bicycle returns to find it stolen; the law of attraction has called down on him just the predicament he hoped to avoid". If this were true, my mother's house would have burned down long ago (she checks the stove about a dozen times before going to bed at night).

The book holds that we can command the universe to give us what we want without any work. Simply "Ask, Believe, Receive". So you know all those kids in third world countries who we see on those depressing commercials? Well, apparently all they need to do is focus their energy and thoughts on food and they won't starve to death; food will just drop into their laps. I'm sure they don't normally spend much time thinking about eating. Hope someone lets them in on this "secret".

Byrne's recommendation for losing weight is to avoid looking at fat people. According to the "law of attraction", if we aren't focusing our thoughts and energy on being overweight, we won't be overweight. MSNBC has an excerpt from the book in which Byrne discusses her own past weight issues. She states, "The most common thought that people hold, and I held it too, is that food was responsible for my weight gain."

Whether people have been told they have a slow thyroid, a slow metabolism, or their body size is hereditary, these are all disguises for thinking “fat thoughts.” If you accept any of those conditions as applicable to you, and you believe it, it must become your experience, and you will continue to attract being overweight.

Guess I don't have to go to the gym anymore.

I could just go on and on about how ridiculous this book is. A woman on the DVD states that she cured her breast cancer in 3 months by visualizing herself well and watching funny movies. I can see this being possible; psychologists and doctors have long known that visual imagery can be helpful. I use that stuff with clients all of the time to help with anxiety and depression. And our mental health affects our physical health, that's no secret. But the scary part is the thought that people may fully believe in the "law of attraction" and avoid seeking medical help. Imagery may help some and even cure someone once in a while but it's certainly not going to cure cancer in every one who tries it. John Norcross a psychologist and professor from the University of Scranton calls it "pseudoscientific, psychospiritual babble". He states "We find about 10 percent of self-help books are rated by mental-health professionals as damaging. This is probably one of them. The problem is the propensity for self-blame when it doesn't work."

When you read about "The Secret" on Oprah.com, it sounds very spiritual and not materialistic. It talks about using the law of attraction to deal with tragedy, to improve your marriage, and to live up to your potential. However, the MSNBC article states

On an ethical level, "The Secret" appears deplorable. It concerns itself almost entirely with a narrow range of middle-class concerns—houses, cars and vacations, followed by health and relationships, with the rest of humanity a very distant sixth.

I have to note that I have not read the book, so maybe my judgments are premature, but it sounds like complete bunk to me. I hate being manipulated and it disgusts me when the american public buys into bullshit with no scientific background.

The Sound of Harry Potter in The Next Generation

Some fan fiction at Rum and Monkey. Leaves a bit to be desired but interesting nonetheless (and short). And I love the pun.

Cool idea to use world flags to make a statement about the world we live in

A team working for a magazine in Portugal researched relevant, global, and current facts and came up with the idea to put new meanings to the colors of flags of various countries. They used real data taken from the websites of Amnesty International and the UNO and made the colors represent segments of a country's population. It is called the Meet the World campaign.

The Earth is Not Moving

Or Let's Just Ignore Everything Science has Taught Us and choose instead to believe there is a man in the sky creating our world. The Big Bang, Evolution, the Earth orbiting the Sun...it's all just a ruse.

Another one for Shelley...

Don't nag. It doesn't work.

:)

The Magic Little Pill...

....or the armless girl. That is the question. Now I know that the discussion of the Magic Little Pill is going to get some feathers ruffled, but I am just satisfying a little perceived interest.

The Magic Little Pill is called: Adipex-P®, Fastin®, Phentamine®, Zantryl® - Generic Name: Phentermine. It is a lovely little prescriptiontion pill that, from my experience, really does work.

"Adipex-P is a name brand phentermine hydrochloride (Hcl) sold by GATE Pharmaceuticals. Oral phentermine hcl is an appetite suppressant used for short-term treatment of exogenous obesity, along with other lifestyle modifications. Phentermine works by stimulating a gland, called the hypothalamus, and affecting certain neurotransmitters to decrease appetite. Because it is similar chemically to amphetamines, it has the potential for psychological dependency; it should be used with caution. "

I used this as a diet-aid for a period of 90 days in the summer/fall of 2003 and lost 17 lbs over the 90 days. Then like a dumbass I stopped taking it and I tried to quit smoking that fall/winter/spring. (I was on a 'I am going to be sooooooo healthy' - kick). Needless to say with my half-assed attempt at quitting, I not only didn't quit then, but I gained all the weight back before I gave up and started smoking full time again.

Back to my experience: I am fat because I like food. Sure, it is probably lack of will power, but I really like food. Lots of different food. Not necessarily huge servings, but as you may have heard me say before "I am a smorgasbord-girl" I like a little bit of a lot of things. A lot of things equals a lot of calories. My other problem is lack of time to be active. I hate exercising, but I do like to be active doing fun things. Unfortunately at this point in my life, my family, job and school-work take up 18 hours of my day. Leaving only 6 hours to cram 10 hours worth of sleep into. Damn. No time for active! (Insert my hypothesis that if I had a pool in my backyard, I would be soooooo skinny; therefore I need a pool for health reasons....yeah, health reasons).

I digress...my experience. I took the magic pills for about 120 days and for the first 30 to 45 days the pills killed my appetite. Decimated it! In a weird way actually. It wasn't that I didn't think about food as much...I think I still did. But the pills made me not hungry in a way that I actually didn't LOVE the feel of food in my mouth. It felt not nice to have food in my mouth. It felt better to drink things (I was thirsty a lot). Weird. But good! I didn't want to lose weight too fast, and noticed that I really wasn't eating a whole bunch, so I stopped taking the pills on the weekends. So I would eat. And I still lost 17 lbs.

The other great thing about the pills (and for me this is damn near as good as The Skinny) is that they gave me ENERGY! Now, I truly think there is something genetically wrong with me in that no matter how long I sleep, it is never enough. I am never DONE sleeping. I have never been that person who eventually wakes up, jumps out of bed and wants to greet the day. That NEVER happens to me even if I get a normal amount of sleep (But this topic is for another entry). But those lovely magic pills. I WAS WIDE AWAKE! I HAD ENERGY!! ALL THE TIME!! I started noticing that I was running up steps. ME. RUNNING. UP. STEPS. Now I am sure, after a time it became easier to run up steps cuz I wasn't carrying around extra weight, but the real AWAKENESS that I felt was amazing. If you look at the chemical make-up of the magic pills, you will see that they are not amphetamines, but they resemble amphetamines. Whatever. Just give me some more! Seriously. For me, the energy was amazing.

Now to be fair, there were some drawbacks, the first being price. These magic puppies cost between $150 and $200 for a 90-day supply (depending on the strength of the dose). That's pretty salty. The second is that eventually your body gets used to the magic and at around 90 days or so you start liking food again (luckily the energy didn't wear off...or that would have sucked). I didn't like food as much as I had...but it didn't repulse me any more. The third and the fourth kinda go together. I took the pills first thing in the morning (6:30am) and even so, sometimes (not always) sometimes I had a hard time falling asleep at night. I would toss and turn until 1am or so. That lead to the crankiness. When I am tired, I am cranky. Sometimes (not often) sometimes I felt cranky. Mostly in the evenings and mostly when I was also stressed out by something else also. I don't think that I was cranky enough that it impacted anyone else's world (at least they didn't tell me) but I noticed my cranky-self. Lastly, they did make me a little jittery. This could have to do with the massive amounts of caffeine I ingest on a normal basis...then throw the magic pills on top of that. I noticed that I could significantly cut down on caffeine during the day, without falling asleep at my desk (that could never happen now..no caffeine tomorrow and I would be sleeping on my keyboard by 9:35am.).

Now my friends will say that the magic pill will give ya a heart attack....but don't you believe it.

"The much-touted combination of weight loss drugs called fen-phen -- phentermine
and another drug, fenfluramine -- was found to cause dangerous damage to the
heart valves in some people. As a result, both fenfluramine and Redux, another
similar weight loss drug, were pulled from the shelves in 1997. On its own,
phentermine is considered safe and still used. "

Do a little research yourself and be careful. And if you decide you want some, here ya go! I think I am getting my supply so I don't have to be the armless bridesmaid.

For Shelley...

Napping is good for your heart. It increases productivity too. In an MSNBC poll, 69% of people who voted said they would take naps at work. France's Health Minister is looking in to implementing worktime napping (France already has a 35 hour work week. Bastards.) Maybe we should consider moving to Europe.

New Year's Resolutions? (ménage à trois)

....Oh wait. That's a different story, for a different time.

Ditto to Beemaiden and Adeline: The only resolution I made this year was also to be "bathing suit ready" by summer and more mentally healthy. But mine was stated more like "Not-to-look-like-a-giant-cow-in-the-bridesmaid-dress-for-Tim-and-Melissa's-wedding" and "not-to-have-a-nervous-breakdown-on-June-30th-when-I-realized-I-can't-possibly-lose-30-lbs-in-6-days-without-amputating-limbs".

For the first three weeks I think I was doing pretty well, making some progress. But then my life exploded all over me, and now I am just holding my own. No more progress. I am going to try to get back on the wagon as soon as possible, but it will really help when the kiddoes don't have swim team every night and we can eat at a normal hour (instead of 7:30 p.m.).

I am still looking for the magic pill that makes me not want to eat that much anymore and gives me tons and tons of energy. Oh wait!! I had that pill once...and it worked...but people gave me a ton of crap about it. Hmmmm.....where oh where has that little pill gone, oh where oh where could it be. I think I am going to have to find that little pill again.....cuz I really don't want to be the armless girl in the strapless dress this summer.

New Year's Resolutions? (Part Deux )

I too would like to be more mentally healthy and "bathing suit ready" by summer. I feel that my mental health interferes with the other goal because I eat comfort food and drink and don't feel like exercising. I'm getting a little better with the exercising part as virgo beemaiden knows since we are exercise partners. Having a friend to work out with really seems to help. It makes the time pass quickly as we are talking the whole time we're at the gym.

Another resolution I have is to try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I've been working on this one for a few years and I think I'm doing better with it.

My other resolution is to try to be less of a judger..."judge not lest ye be judged" (the Bible does say a couple of good things). This is a tough one, seeing as how the world is full of jackasses. For some reason, Shelley doesn't like this goal :) Good thing she's just a retarded puppet monkey and not the leader. I've been working on this one for a few years as well but feel I've been slipping a bit so I'm trying to concentrate on it again. I have found in the past that I seem to be a happier person if I give people the benefit of the doubt and try not to judge people. Gets rid of some of the bitterness. Of course, not judging people means trying not to judge people who judge people and that can be hard.

As usual, I'm working on seeing the lighter side of things and I think that is what gets me through. It seems to be one of the many things that the three of us have in common: no matter how bad the circumstances we can still make a joke out of it. Bombs could be falling from the sky and we would still find something funny or sarcastic to say.

Hope I'm not making you feel like you're in church, but another good one is "do unto others..." One problem with this one though is that some people are so sensitive and since I am very difficult to offend sometimes "doing unto others" can get me into trouble as I may assume that others are as difficult to offend as I am. But I'm trying. I guess if anyone thinks I'm not doing a good enough job they can suck my dick. Oops. Slipped again. No one's perfect I guess.

New Year's Resolutions?

Has anyone else made any new year's resolutions?

Anyone still sticking to them?

I'm trying. Mine is to try to be Heathier- mentally and physically- my body really is showing my age and it's not going to get any better without intervention. Yikes!

My second one is to save up some money. It will be pretty hard with all that is on the agenda this year- he mexico trip that I get to pay for but not participate in, the beach (hopefully), some minor remodeling work on my house, and Disney. In fact, those are kinda the reasons I need to watch the ole bottom line. So far this one seems to be going better than the first.

I started out well over Christmas vacation with the exercising, cooking healthy and eating well but I'm slowly falling off the wagon.

I'm still eating more fruit, no calorie drinks (from what I understand that alone can make a big difference) but I have been exercising less (busy schedule) an various snacks such as chips and dips have been my downfall. On the continuum, though, I am still ahead. I think that I need another couple days of "detox diet".

Music and dancing around the house like a crazy lunatic have been my method of mental health maintanance. (Is it working????? I'm not an impartial judge.)

Does anybody else need inspiration or have any ideas???? I'd like to be "bathing suit" ready for the first time in a long time this summer.

Mix it up...

Things getting a little hum drum? Maybe he's not lasting long enough? Or just not hitting the right spot? The Position Master may be able to help you out:

With this cool interactive feature you choose the desired elements of the position you are looking for and the PositionMaster finds the perfect position for you!

It's even illustrated.

Pandora

Music is one of my favorite things about life. I'm very excited that I came across another cool way to find new music you like.

Nether regions feeling a little itchy?

Beware! There is an epidemic afoot. If you wake in the middle of the night with a creeping, itching feeling....try to resist! And for the love of GOD, don't stick your fingers in your mouth!! You may be being violated by THESE.......PINWORMS!!

From Wiki:

The pinworm lives in the lower part of the small intestine, and the upper part of the colon. It is found worldwide and causes the common infection in humans. After mating, the male dies. The female migrates to the anus and emerges, usually during the night, to deposit about 10,000 to 20,000 eggs in the perianal area (around the anus). It is said that men named Garrett are particularly susceptible to infestation due to excessive anal itching and fingernail biting.It then secretes a substance that causes a very strong itching sensation, inciting the host to scratch the area and thus transfer some of the eggs to the fingers. Eggs can also be transferred to cloth, toys and the bathtub. Once ingested orally, the larvae hatch and migrate back to the intestine, growing to maturity in 30-45 days. The eggs can survive from 2 to 3 weeks on their own outside of the human body. It is also in some cases where the larva will hatch around the skin of the anus and travel back inside the anus, up the rectum and back into the intestines where it matures.

I have first-hand knowledge that an outbreak of anal itching and pinworm infestation has been reported and confirmed in the greater Jersey Shore area. For susceptible individuals, the CDC advises frequent manicures and the practice of wearing tube socks on your hands to bed each evening. The tube socks should be held in place by rubber bands to ensure their condom-like protection throught the night-time hours.

The Lie Clocks

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks directly behind him. Since St. Peter was standing right next to the man, he asked him, "What are all those clocks?" "Those are Lie-Clocks," St. Peter said. "Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move."
"Oh", said the man. "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's", replied St. Peter. "The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible", said the man.
"And whose clock is that one?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock," St. Peter said. "The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's George Bush's clock?" asked the man. "George Bush's clock is in Jesus' office," said St. Peter. "He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Sense and sensibility

I was talking to my mother yesterday about the upcoming presidential race. I was surprised to hear her say that she would consider voting for Hillary. Her reason was that in a time of crisis, she would like to know that someone sensible is making decisions and Hillary seems the most sensible of the current choices. I'm not sure if she's right about that, but it got me to thinking. I don't hear people say often that "sensible" is what they're looking for in a president and really it should be at the top of the list (sensible being defined as having, using, or showing good sense or sound judgment). So I'm going to keep this word in mind during the upcoming campaigns and use this to help make my decisions. At this point, I would have to say that Edwards, Clinton, and Obama all would seem to be more sensible than Bush. I don't have the mental energy right now to support my argument but you can find plenty of evidence on Garrett's blog that delineates how insensible our retarded puppet monkey, I mean retarded assclown chimp figurehead really is. Here and here and here and here are some more reasons.

Getting My Vote 2....Choices, Choices...

I like it when I have a choice...

John Edwards joins presidential race
Senator who ran in 2004 bidding for Democratic nomination, campaign says

WASHINGTON -
Former Democratic vice presidential nominee John Edwards is running for president for a second time, his campaign said Wednesday. NBC News confirmed the senator’s intention to run.

I really liked John Edwards when he was a presidential candidate in the 2004 primaries. I really like Barack Obama now. I guess I have some time to decide who I think will do the best job.

I couldn't have said it better myself

It's a free country (in theory). We should be able to celebrate the holidays the way we want to without being criticized. I'm not sure if Jesus was a prophet, a savior, or just a good guy...but I'm confident that he wasn't a judger. I know Christmas has become very commercial, but I love the lights, the music, the presents, the decorations, the holiday cheer, the gingerbread lattes, Santa, spending time with loved ones...not to mention the booze and cookies. I say live and let live. Make room for Jesus and Santa on Christmas. If you want to.

A novel idea

Parenting as therapy for child's mental disorders. More time, energy, and money needs to be put into teaching parents how to help children with mental health problems. Many parents are against giving their children medication and with good reason. Unfortunately, "insurers as a rule do not fully cover behavior modification therapies because they cost substantially more than drugs." If you measure cost in dollars, I guess this is true. However, parents may believe that exposing their children to the long and short term risks and effects of meds is a higher cost. They should have alternatives. I've seen cases in which children with ADHD were denied coverage of behavioral treatment solely because their parents refused to put them on meds. Insurance companies and the government should not be able to coerce parents into making such decisions. But maybe we're making some progress: "the increasing number of studies that support family-based behavioral treatment is shifting perceptions."
(Disclaimer: I am absolutely not anti-meds. Some children (as well as adults) need medication. There are times when the risks of taking meds are far outweighed by the improvement in quality of life that can come from taking them. I just think that meds are overused and that people should have alternatives).

Special Treat in a Box

Censored SNL sketch jumps bleepless onto the internet. The nearly three-minute digital film, shown on “Saturday Night Live” last Saturday, was a parody of two boy-band singers (including one played by the real Justin Timberlake) crooning a holiday song about making a gift to their girlfriends of their male anatomy, which they appeared to have wrapped in boxes (strategically placed) and then topped with bows. It is the first scripted comedy on a broadcast network to use the Web to make an end run around the prying eyes of its censors. The skit was pretty funny even censored. If you missed it, you can catch the uncensored version on YouTube

Free tv

Check this shit out. You can watch just about anything you want on this site.

I don't hate this idea...

Really...I think it has a lot of merit.

WP: 10 friends live secondhand for a year - Voluntary simplicity also sparks a backlash

SAN FRANCISCO - In the living room, the group gathers to share inspirational stories about the joy of finding just the right previously owned shower curtain. To the uninitiated, these people appear almost normal, at least in a San Francisco kind of way. But upon closer inspection, you see it: Nothing in this house, nothing on their bodies, none of their products -- nothing is new. Everything is used. For these people, recycling wasn't enough. Composting wasn't a challenge anymore. No, they wanted much more of much less.

Attention holiday shoppers! These people haven't bought anything new in 352 days -- and counting. These 10 friends vowed last year not to purchase a single new thing in 2006 -- except food, the bare necessities for health and safety (toilet paper, brake fluid) and, thankfully, underwear, and maybe socks (they're still debating whether new socks are okay). Everything else they bought secondhand. They bartered or borrowed. Recycled. Re-gifted. Reused. Where? Thrift stores and swap meets, friends and Dumpsters, and the Internet, from Craigslist to the Freecycle Network, which includes 3,843 communities and 2.8 million members giving away stuff to one another. Read more here.

I can't imagine doing it with my current family situation, work schedule and life style...but I think it is interesting. When cleaning out my house, closet, kids closet, I have always dreaded "throwing something away"... It gave me soooo much guilt. Working toys, nice clothes, furniture I hated to just discard what I knew someone, some where needed and would be grateful to have. Personally I would much rather donate useful clothes, items and toys to the American Rescue Workers than just pitch them in the trash. (Actually, just this weekend I pulled out a Carter's outfit that Todd threw in trash. Allison had out grown it...so he was tossing it. It was in great condition...so I saved it to donate or sell in a yard sale.)

Groovy way to listen to music

Check out musicovery

I can't help it...I like Jay-Z

From Rolling Stone:

Why is Jay-Z one of this year’s most fascinating people? Here are five reasons one can deduce from this snippet of Barbara Walters’ interview with Jay-Z for her 10 Most Fascinating People segment.

• He believes hop-hop guys can and should act like adults.
• He understands the code of the street.
• He used to write beats by banging on the kitchen table as a kid.
• When Barbara Walters asks him if Beyonce is “bootylicious” he neither mocks nor smacks her.

I realize there are only 4 reasons there. Rolling Stone writers can't count apparently. Or maybe not mocking Barbara is reason number 4 and not smacking her is reason number 5. Anyway...

Here's the interview.

I love his new song. Here's the AMA performance.

How do I figure... Percentages

Yeah, I know. Everyone was supposed to learn how to do this in elementary school. But a surprising number of people (ME) remain stumped by percentages. So here is a calculator to keep you (ME) from making an embarassing mistake.

Cool site for kids - Your Amazing Body

Have your kids always wanted to know more about your body and how it works? Then check this out! You'll be amazed when you find out how your ears hear, how much your brain weighs, how many bones you have, and more

Better Safe than Sorry!

ASPCA HOLIDAY SAFETY ALERT: THE FINAL WORD ON POINSETTIAS: Attention, poinsettia-loving pet owners! You need not fear this festive holiday plant—rumors of its toxic potential are greatly exaggerated, say ASPCA experts.

As our toxicologists at the ASPCA Animal Poison Control Center (APCC) explain, poinsettias were first brought to the United States in the 1820s by J. Robert Poinsett, the U.S. Ambassador to Mexico at the time. The myth of the plant’s toxicity began when the two-year-old child of a U.S. Army officer allegedly died from eating a poinsettia leaf.

Says the APCC’s Dana B. Farbman, CVT, “In reality, ingestions typically produce only mild to moderate gastrointestinal tract irritation in pets, which may include drooling, vomiting and diarrhea.” So while it’s still a good idea to keep this plant out of your pets’ reach to avoid stomach upset, you need not banish it from your homes.
For additional holiday safety tips, please visit ASPCA online.

My New Car!!!!

Check this out! This car was named especially for me, "The original Hellion". Unfortunately, I want my next car to be a hybrid if at all possible and I probably could never afford a concept car even one from Hyundai.

Hyundai Debuts Hellion Concept

by Mike Meredith
The latest concept vehicle from Hyundai's California Design Studio: an aggressive, compact three-door sport crossover.

South Korea-based Hyundai has established a solid track record of interesting concept vehicles from the Hyundai Design Center in California. The latest concept, the HCD10 Hyundai Hellion, will add to that reputation.

Best @%$#@^ game ever!!!

Snood !!!

No wonder...

...life expectancies are so short in some countries. While I am all for recycling, energy conservation, and limiting pollution, I wouldn't recommend these situations!

Quit Stealing My STUFF!!

For the second time in a week I came across a media reference that was blatant plagiarism of my original intellectual property.

The first: My husband told me that Bob (of Bob and Tom fame), referred to The Ohio State football team as "The Ohio State Pot-smokers". I am pretty confident that term originated with me in the late '80's. It stems from the fact they are the "Buckeyes" and there are stickers of buckeye leaves on their helmets. Buckeye leaves look suspiciously like pot leaves...


The second: My favorite MSNBC...stealing from me. Tupperware parties with a twist. Sex toys are for sale at these ladies-only gatherings - GRAIN VALLEY, Mo. On the evening I visit Julie Bunton's new house in this small farming town that seems to grow more tract homes than crops, family is gathered inside the living room, mothers, daughters, cousins, in-laws along with a few friends. There is diced fruit, vegetable cruditaes and a tray with marshmallows ready for dipping into a chocolate fountain. Brooke Reinertsen, a saleswoman for one of those multi-level marketing home-party outfits, is giving a sales presentation. But it sounds nothing like a Tupperware or Mary Kay event.

"OK ladies, now rub, lick, blow. Rub, lick, blow. Feel that? You can just about breathe your partner to orgasm with this!"

Just when we thought it couldn't get worse....

Mel Gibson sympathizes with Michael Richards. NEW YORK - Though he’s lost many fans after being captured on video hurling racist epithets at a comedy club audience, Michael Richards has an ally: Mel Gibson.

“I felt like sending Michael Richards a note,” Gibson says in an interview in Entertainment Weekly’s Dec. 8 issue. “I feel really badly for the guy. He was obviously in a state of stress.

Read the rest of the article here.

Fifty Mistakes Men Make When Having Sex

Personally I don't agree with numbers 1 and 6, and as far as number 19 goes, I would hope a man would be able to tell if it was time for that without asking. But the rest of this list is pretty good, especially the hygiene stuff. Also, refraining from walking around with just your socks on is usually a smart choice (unless you're a dork).

If you can't beat 'em join 'em

Apparently that's how the FBI operates:

FBI joined with the mob to frame innocent people

You see movies like this and you hope they are purely fiction. It was 40 years ago, but how do we know it isn't still happening? And with the Patriot Act, it will only get worse. We have given our government entirely too much power. What a nightmare. With stuff like this happening I don't see how the most ardent death penalty fan can be okay with killing prisoners.

By the way, why am I the only one blogging around here? Where are you bitches? I don't want to hear any excuses. If you have time to banter angrily with Jim, you have time to post. In fact, maybe you could combine the two.

Isn't America Grand?

If you're rich enough you can do whatever you want apparently. I'm referring to the new O.J. book, "If I Did It".

More red wine benefits

An ingredient in red wine, resveratrol, increases endurance. Huh, I was wondering where I got it, considering that I drink, smoke, have lots of stress, only work out once or twice a week, don't sleep regularly, and don't really watch what I eat.

See...animals do it too

Hate to be an I told you so, but "The argument that a homosexual way of living cannot be accepted because it is against the "laws of nature" can now be rejected scientifically".
It appears that many species participate in homosexual activity. In fact, "almost a quarter of black swan families are parented by homosexual couples", these couples being 2 males. And Bonobo Chimpanzees, considered to be the closest living relatives to humans are nearly all bisexual.

'Tis the Holiday Season

I am revisiting this website in honor of the upcoming gift-giving season. I think some of these shirts would make perfect gifts!

http://www.prickwear.com/

Vocab Word for the Day - LYCOPENE

Another way to live forever, only slightly less fun.

Ongoing preliminary research suggests that LYCOPENE is associated with reduced risk of macular degenerative disease, serum lipid oxidation and cancers of the lung, bladder, cervix and skin.

http://www.lycopene.org/

I'm going to live forever

Controlling obesity and diabetes with red wine?
Sounds a hell of a lot better than that calorie restriction bullshit.
Sure, a 150-lb person would need to drink 750 to 1,500 bottles of red wine a day to get the same dose they tested on the mice, but hey, we could work up to that. It's good to have goals right?

Also known as Bob

I think we know this guy.....some of us, intimately.

http://www.jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox/jibjab/id/35010/jokeid/30010

Hugging....Hmmm....

Here is the Philladelphia Video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw-VRDr2Yh4

Sweetie, this sounds right up your alley!

Where are we living?

Dixie Chicks film ad causes another dust-up

I feel like letting off a string of expletives, Garrett style. Not that I'm a big Dixie Chicks fan or anything but aren't we supposed to be entitled to free speech in this country? Sad that a public figure can't voice an opinion without fear of a backlash. Individuals choosing not to buy Dixie Chicks' music because they disagree is one thing -- that's also free speech. But for a corporation such as NBC to decide that they are not going to air their commercials is unAmerican. What a bunch of cowards. While they're at it, maybe they should just put the government in charge of programming and let them have control of what's aired. Our forefathers would be appalled. Shouldn't we get to choose what we see? If we don't like it, we can change the channel. I think we should all boycott NBC. Their programming sucks anyway. (I won't however be boycotting the CW. I have to watch America's Next Top Model).

Here's a fitting quote I stole from Garrett:

To announce there must be no criticism of the President, and to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, it is morally treasonous to the American public.

Theodore Roosevelt

Hugs

I think we should all start doing this:

http://www.freehugscampaign.com/

Apparently it's happening everywhere:

http://www.philly.com/mld/philly/news/15840607.htm

Watch the inspirational video.

Getting my vote...

This is who I am voting for....

Monday, Oct 23
Barack Obama: 'I Inhaled — That Was The Point'

"I inhaled — that was the point."
That was what Illinois Senator Barack Obama, currently on a book tour that may or may not segue into a run for the 2008 presidency, said to New Yorker editor David Remnick this afternoon at the American Magazine Conference, after Remnick asked Obama whether or not his admission of drug use in the book would become problematic if he does, if fact, run for president.

The softspoken Obama, who during an appearance on Meet The Press yesterday admitted he would consider a run for the White House, openly criticized the Bush administration in front of 500 or so magazine executives during a wide-ranging, 45-minute discussion, occasionally with Remnick's prodding. "This is the most ideologically driven administration in my memory, so obstinate in resisting facts, dissenting opinions ... [They entered the White House] with a set of preconcieved notions." Obama said. "I think this administration has done great damage to this country."

"I wouldn't fit in with this administration [because I think] actually being informed is a good basis for policy," Obama said to laughter. "OK, that's a low-blow."
Obama was particularly critical of the war in Iraq. "We've used up so much political capital [in Iraq]," adding that it is "going to take the current military the same amount of time it took the military to recover from Vietnam."

After some lighthearted grilling, Obama said Remnick "sounds nicer in his columns, but turns out to be somewhat of a prickly guy."

Remnick, who at this point could be considered the President of the United States of Magazines, forced Obama to address the topic of religion. "It's not 'faith' if you are absolutely certain," Obama said, noting that he didn't believe his lack of "faith" would hurt him a national election. "Evolution is more grounded in my experience than angels."

Throughout the interview, Obama expressed doubt about his willingness to put his family through the scrutiny of a presidential race. "My wife would be leading the bandwagon for me to be running for president ... if I was married to someone else."

When asked if the White House would be a plac e worth inheriting in 2009, Obama said, "There are a lot of problems to clean up, and nopt a lot of resources to work with." He added that the first agenda of a new president should be to "stabilize and extricate ourselves" from Iraq.