Mix it up...

Things getting a little hum drum? Maybe he's not lasting long enough? Or just not hitting the right spot? The Position Master may be able to help you out:

With this cool interactive feature you choose the desired elements of the position you are looking for and the PositionMaster finds the perfect position for you!

It's even illustrated.

Pandora

Music is one of my favorite things about life. I'm very excited that I came across another cool way to find new music you like.

Nether regions feeling a little itchy?

Beware! There is an epidemic afoot. If you wake in the middle of the night with a creeping, itching feeling....try to resist! And for the love of GOD, don't stick your fingers in your mouth!! You may be being violated by THESE.......PINWORMS!!

From Wiki:

The pinworm lives in the lower part of the small intestine, and the upper part of the colon. It is found worldwide and causes the common infection in humans. After mating, the male dies. The female migrates to the anus and emerges, usually during the night, to deposit about 10,000 to 20,000 eggs in the perianal area (around the anus). It is said that men named Garrett are particularly susceptible to infestation due to excessive anal itching and fingernail biting.It then secretes a substance that causes a very strong itching sensation, inciting the host to scratch the area and thus transfer some of the eggs to the fingers. Eggs can also be transferred to cloth, toys and the bathtub. Once ingested orally, the larvae hatch and migrate back to the intestine, growing to maturity in 30-45 days. The eggs can survive from 2 to 3 weeks on their own outside of the human body. It is also in some cases where the larva will hatch around the skin of the anus and travel back inside the anus, up the rectum and back into the intestines where it matures.

I have first-hand knowledge that an outbreak of anal itching and pinworm infestation has been reported and confirmed in the greater Jersey Shore area. For susceptible individuals, the CDC advises frequent manicures and the practice of wearing tube socks on your hands to bed each evening. The tube socks should be held in place by rubber bands to ensure their condom-like protection throught the night-time hours.

The Lie Clocks

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks directly behind him. Since St. Peter was standing right next to the man, he asked him, "What are all those clocks?" "Those are Lie-Clocks," St. Peter said. "Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move."
"Oh", said the man. "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's", replied St. Peter. "The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible", said the man.
"And whose clock is that one?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock," St. Peter said. "The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's George Bush's clock?" asked the man. "George Bush's clock is in Jesus' office," said St. Peter. "He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Sense and sensibility

I was talking to my mother yesterday about the upcoming presidential race. I was surprised to hear her say that she would consider voting for Hillary. Her reason was that in a time of crisis, she would like to know that someone sensible is making decisions and Hillary seems the most sensible of the current choices. I'm not sure if she's right about that, but it got me to thinking. I don't hear people say often that "sensible" is what they're looking for in a president and really it should be at the top of the list (sensible being defined as having, using, or showing good sense or sound judgment). So I'm going to keep this word in mind during the upcoming campaigns and use this to help make my decisions. At this point, I would have to say that Edwards, Clinton, and Obama all would seem to be more sensible than Bush. I don't have the mental energy right now to support my argument but you can find plenty of evidence on Garrett's blog that delineates how insensible our retarded puppet monkey, I mean retarded assclown chimp figurehead really is. Here and here and here and here are some more reasons.