Nether regions feeling a little itchy?

Beware! There is an epidemic afoot. If you wake in the middle of the night with a creeping, itching feeling....try to resist! And for the love of GOD, don't stick your fingers in your mouth!! You may be being violated by THESE.......PINWORMS!!

From Wiki:

The pinworm lives in the lower part of the small intestine, and the upper part of the colon. It is found worldwide and causes the common infection in humans. After mating, the male dies. The female migrates to the anus and emerges, usually during the night, to deposit about 10,000 to 20,000 eggs in the perianal area (around the anus). It is said that men named Garrett are particularly susceptible to infestation due to excessive anal itching and fingernail biting.It then secretes a substance that causes a very strong itching sensation, inciting the host to scratch the area and thus transfer some of the eggs to the fingers. Eggs can also be transferred to cloth, toys and the bathtub. Once ingested orally, the larvae hatch and migrate back to the intestine, growing to maturity in 30-45 days. The eggs can survive from 2 to 3 weeks on their own outside of the human body. It is also in some cases where the larva will hatch around the skin of the anus and travel back inside the anus, up the rectum and back into the intestines where it matures.

I have first-hand knowledge that an outbreak of anal itching and pinworm infestation has been reported and confirmed in the greater Jersey Shore area. For susceptible individuals, the CDC advises frequent manicures and the practice of wearing tube socks on your hands to bed each evening. The tube socks should be held in place by rubber bands to ensure their condom-like protection throught the night-time hours.